© Alastair Sim
56 Netherby Road
Edinburgh
EH5 3LX
Cast:
Donkey
Angel
Mary
Hawker
Magician
Beggar
Roman soldier
Joseph
Innkeeper
First sheep
Second sheep
First shepherd
Second shepherd
Lion
Plus non-speaking parts for crowd members, animals in the stable.
Intro: Song 'Little Donkey'
Donkey : It isn't always easy being a donkey.
I blame the Government. Mr Bigshot Roman Emperor Augustus Caesar suddenly decides that he wants to count everyone in the whole Roman Empire . Right in the middle of the winter!
And then his local man, Mr Bossyboots Governor Quirinius decides that we can't just get counted quietly at home. Oh no. Everyone's got to go to the city where their family originally came from. So it's onto the donkey and of from Nazareth all the way over the hills and through the desert to Bethlehem .
I don't want to complain too much. I mean, I like Mary and Joseph and I think the new baby is absolutley divine. But everyone would rather spend Christmas at home, wouldn't they?
Anyway, here's how it all happened.
It all started back in Nazareth . Mary was doing the flower-arranging when we had a visitor. Funny looking fellow, dressed in white with light shining all around.
[Enter Mary, holding lillies]
Angel : Greetings, you who are highly favoured! The Lord is with you.
Mary : What can this mean?
Angel: Do not be afraid, Mary. You have found favour with God. You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High.
Mary: I am the Lord's servant. May it be to me as you have said.
[Exit Angel and Mary]
Donkey : So that was that for a while. Life went on as normal, except that Mary started to put on a bit of weight. Then it's on with the saddle and out into the cold all the way to Bethlehem . My back was killing me all the way there!
What a crowd there was in Bethlehem ! The whole world seemed to be there. I couldn't get through so Mary and Joseph had to walk.
[Enter crowd, Mary and Joseph amongst them pressing through towards Innkeeper]
Hawker : Roll up, roll up, who will buy my beautiful bagels! Just half a denarius each!
Magician : Come and see the amazing flower trick! [get easy magic trick from joke shop.]
Beggar : Spare a shekel for a cup of fig-juice?
Roman soldier : Oy you, move along there! [Chases beggar off]
Mary : What a lot of people! I hope we can find somewhere to stay.
Joseph: Let's try this inn. Hello, innkeeper, have you any rooms? It doesn't have to be en-suite.
Innkeeper : Sorry, it's peak season. Everyone wants to be in Bethlehem tonight for some reason. There isn't a single room to be had in the whole town.
Joseph : My wife's about to have a baby. We're frozen. Please, isn't there somewhere we could sleep?
Innkeeper : The only place there's any room is the stable, but it's not very warm. You're welcome to find some space there.
[Exit Mary, Joseph and crowd]
Donkey : So, they settled down in the stable, making up a bed on some straw. Even the stable was crowded, so they sent me out to graze in the fields with the sheep.
[Enter shepherds and sheep, baaing.]
First sheep : Do you ever get tired of just eating grass all day and all night.
Second sheep : No.
First sheep : Me neither.
Both sheep : Baaaa.
Donkey : Everything was peaceful enough out there until a great light appeared in the sky.
First shepherd : What's that?
Second shepherd : Must be fireworks. That's what all the tourists like about the Bethelehem Festival and Bethlehem New Year.
First shepherd : But it's still a week to Hogmanay!
Second shepherd : It's getting brigher and I hear a great noise. This is seriously scary.
First shepherd : Maybe the sky's falling on us. Let's make a run for it!
Donkey : Then that bloke appeared again in the sky, the same one that I'd seen a few months ago.
[Enter Angel]
Angel : Do not be afraid! I bring you good news of great joy for all people. Today in the town of David a Saviour has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: you will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.
[Exit Angel]
First shepherd : What do you make of that?
Second shepherd : I don't know. But look, there's a star shining down on the stable behind the inn.
First shepherd : I'd like to see what the angel was talking about, but if we leave the sheep here the lion might get them.
Second shepherd : Let's take them with us. Maybe we can hitch a lift on that donkey.
Donkey : So off we went, back into town, to find out who this Saviour could be. It was quiet now, in the middle of the night and we tiptoed through the streets until we came to the stable where Mary and Joseph were.
['Crowd member' brings manger onto stage. Enter Mary and Joseph]
Imagine my surprise when I saw that Mary and Joseph weren't there alone. There was someone new with them, the tiniest human being I'd ever seen, lying in the manger.
Mary : His name's Jesus.
First shepherd : He's beautiful.
Mary : The angel told me strange things about him, that he'd become a great leader and a Son to the Lord. But for now he's just my baby and I'll give him all the love and care I can, even in this cold stable.
[Enter assorted animals]
Donkey : Mary was so entranced by her baby that she didn't see us animals creep in. They'd all heard that someone special had been born and they all wanted to come and see him, and to help warm the stable up. The cats and dogs were there, the hamsters and the mice, even the big brown bear came out of his cave. Even the lion came in and lay down with the sheep.
First sheep : Look at him, the little man-lamb!
Lion : He's the handsomest man-cub I've ever seen.
Donkey : We sat there adoring the baby until one by one we all became sleepy.
[Animals: soft snoring. Holy Family still adoring.]
Donkey . So that's how we came to Bethlehem . I hope we can stay here for a while. I don't facy another long walk in the depths of winter, and there's a new person for me to carry now.
What's that you're saying, Joseph? You fancy a trip to Egypt next week? Oh no!